Whateva, I Do What I Want!

I've been thinking about something that happened a while back and it's finally nagged me enough that I found the need to talk about it. So here we go.

On my birthday, a friend of mine decided to take me out. It was a nice gesture, seeing as how most of my friends are away at there respective colleges in various different towns and states. So we planed on hitting a bar or two, maybe finding a hookah lounge; fun things we don't do on a regular basis. I was excited. So the night came to be, and it turns out she invited her boyfriend and his best friend (who brought his girlfriend). Alright. Honestly, it didn't really bother me. I understand people who don't like being a third wheel, or in this case 5th wheel, but I love going out in groups of people. As long as this wasn't made a habit of, I could totally enjoy it. Obviously, things would be different if this occurred every time we went out. I'd be miffed after a while. But alas, this time it was fine.

So we arrive at the first bar (point of interest: upon arrival, I realized that we were being followed the entire time and two more people were invited along: (my friend) Cate's boyfriend's other friend and his wife. Cool beans. Weird, slightly unexpected, but cool beans.) Things happened. Drinks were downed, laughs were had, conversation was made. It was good times. Then we headed to a local hookah joint.

Now, sidebar. My best friend Cate. I love her. And her boyfriend is generally good to her. I mean, I have my opinions on them, and she's heard my peace and made her own decisions, ones that I may not fully agree with, but they are her's to make. To summarize vaguely, she cuts him more slack than I know I would. Ugh, I need another sidebar...

Sidebar: Cheating (screw my attempts at being vague, apparently) is something I've thought about ad nauseam. I wavered between two differing viewpoints on the topic throughout my youth. I was either starkly against it, in a "how can you knowingly take back someone who chose someone else who was clearly not you" kind of way or understanding, in a "he was with someone else and chose to come back to me" kind of way. I don't know why I thought the second one. And the first is probably wrong for its justifications. Either way, I am now of the mindset that if you cheat on me, we're done. I can't be with you if you do that to me. If you were missing something in your life, you can absolutely come and tell me about it. We'll discuss it. And if you don't feel comfortable telling me about what's wrong, then I probably did a shitty job of establishing a connection with you, or vice-versa, and our relationship was fucked up to begin with. I am of the belief that sex is something a human needs. Maybe not all humans, but as a wide generalization. It's one aspect of a relationship. Sex and intimacy aren't always the same. If you're telling me you need to be with someone else sexually, do it. I'll be here. But keep in mind that if you 'do you,' I won't be here waiting for your return. Could we reunite? Who knows. Just know that I'll be moving forward solo. Close sidebar. 

So, I may still hold that against James (the boyfriend in question). Either way, he's quite opinionated. About everything. Including the way I cut my hair.

Okay, yes. This whole thing is about me being petty about a comment he made about my hair. But before you go off on me, hear me out. My hair is very important to me. In eighth grade, when we were asked what our best trait was, I said my hair. I've prided myself on having long and curly hair for the last nine years (because before that, I hated it). So when James told me I should cut my hair because I hide behind it, at first I brushed it off. He makes a lot of offhand comments and I tend to let his somewhat misogynistic comments go, which I should really reconsider. Although I am usually hearing about what he says through Cate.

The point here is that now that I think back on it, that comment really bothers me. It talks numbers about how James views me as a person. That aside, it speaks volumes to how James views himself. I in no way see this man on a regular basis, not that that is important. The fact is, he thought it necessary to point out, on my birthday, that my hair is something I use to hide behind. That I should cut it to attract more attention. Sigh. 

No.

If I wanted to cut it to attract attention, that's fine. But please, do not tell me that I should. Do not presume to tell what to do with my hair. I wear it the way I do because it's mine. And I like it. I'm not going to change that because my friend's boyfriend thinks I should.

Also, don't tell me that the food I'm eating has a lot of fat and calories. Especially while I'm eating it. Guess what? You don't have to eat the food I ordered. That's why you chose something else. If I chose something fattening that'll go to my hips and thighs, then so be it. I like my curves the way they are. I also like waffles at 1 am post-ice skating. Judge me all you want.

Point is: own yourself. Own your body. Own your hair. And if someone else doesn't like how you do you: screw 'em.

Post-script: R.I.P Pete Seeger. You're an angel.